Natatawa ako. You don’t need to laugh with me. Feel ko lang talaga e nakakaloko lang to.
May nabasa kasi akong word na medyo familiar sa akin pero gusto ko pa ring idouble check ang meaning.
Ang word is ‘salve’. Ang alam ko lang e pangcure siya sa sugat o watsoeber. Kaya sinearch ko sa dictio ko sa phone.
E di ayun. Tinype ko. W/o reading ung pinakaword na nasa taas, I mean ung talagang WORD you had looked up, nag read on na ako sa definitions, syns, ants, origin, watsoebbbber.
Sobrang gulat ko dahil ang lumabas, “a person who is held blah x to the nth power”, “one who is subservient blah x to the nth power” kung anu-ano pa.
Sabi ko pa, “Ang t*nga ko naman! Kala ko ung pangpagaling sa sugat ung salve! Ibang-iba pala meaning. Hay.”
Tapos nung inangat-angat ko pa nang konti, tan-tana-NAN! ‘Slave’ pala naitype ko.
I felt so ridiculous. Pinapatunayan lang nito how people can be really careless sometimes. So lesson, be careful and take in lahat ng details in your life or you’d get the WRONG DEFINITION OF IT.
Un lang. Nuff said.
The dark blanket of the night wraps our house with such grace. And as the last trail of afternoon light leaves me, I just sit here. With the corners of my mouth down.
Picture me that way. Picture me with the 6 pm light on my face, happiness draining away. Balling up my thoughts in my fingertips. Thinking if I would throw them away or keep them in a tight but gentle clench.
My thoughts are about everything but they just only point to one matter. A matter which I think won’t ever be clear. A matter which will always remain a puzzle. I hope the night will take all of my thoughts away so I could be free again. But no. Instead, the still evening just makes me take in more of my dilemmas.
If you are reading this, I may sound like a helpless, don’t-know-how-to-deal-with-things girl, emotional, worthless, sad, sensitive person. Well I am just a step farther from achieving all of that. And with no effort, I’d be all A’s with each one of them.
But still, I am struggling not to be this little drama queen. I try to think things over. That is why I have the option of throwing all of my thoughts away. And just run away from everything. And be happy. Gather up the corners of my mouth and maybe smile.
But I can’t.
I am a rusty armor no one prefers to wear.
I want to throw it all away. Every time I am close to opening my palms up, I end up holding my fist – a tight clench.
This fear of letting myself free is holding me up like a blanket. It never leaves me. I’m trapped under its treacherous satin feel.
And now it’s completely dark. Because I am tucked in, unwillingly.
It’s three am. At gising pa ako.
MABUHAY ANG MGA NOCTURNAL!!!
KATRINA IS SINGING
Do you want to hear me sing?
HAHAHA. I know it’s a dumb question. And I think that you might think it’s kind of a showoff. But no. I’d just like to share to you my uhhhh… TALENT? If that’s what you call it. Just click on the link and you’ll find out that, KATRINA IS SINGING.
Thank you and God bless.
I don’t know what my first words would be here.
A ‘hello’ would be nice. A ‘hey what’s up’ would be nice too. But I can’t. I can’t say all of those heartwarming opening remarks to the people who’d read this because, Katrina is sad.
I am sad.
I can’t pretend that everything’s fine when everything’s not. And I know this is a heavy start.
But I just can’t help but frown. I can’t even try to smile. Something’s rigged in me. Something’s off.
Things around me are just whirling on and on at an almost unthinkable speed. It’s like I’m housed inside a tornado – everything out of place, everything out of control.
I had a fairytale for the past few weeks. But I blew it off. I screwed things up and now I don’t know how to put them back as they were.
And now my life is a big puzzle. With the pieces of it lost.
I’m so sad. So sad.
And now looking back to the beginning, my first words here are all about me being confused. I’m confused down to the last bit. I’m caught in this turmoil. I don’t want to get out but I am desperate for an exit.
Let me out so I could get in.